The Direct Answer

Quick Answer

Tell your pediatrician specifically what you've observed — not just that something feels "off." Say: "I've noticed [specific behavior]. I'd like a developmental screening today and a referral for a full evaluation if the screening raises any concerns." Pediatricians are required to do screenings at 18- and 24-month well visits. You can request one at any age.

Your pediatrician is your first point of contact on the path toward an autism diagnosis — and potentially toward services like ABA therapy. But they see dozens of children per day, and well-visits move fast. If you don't come prepared with specific observations and specific asks, you may leave without the referrals your child needs.

This is not about being pushy. It's about giving your doctor the information they need to help your child, and knowing your rights as a parent in this process.

Before the Appointment: Write Down What You've Observed

Pediatricians respond best to specific, behavioral observations — not general worry. Before your visit, spend 10 minutes writing down the concrete things you've noticed. Focus on things like:

Writing this down before the appointment does two things: it helps you remember everything under the pressure of an appointment, and it signals to the pediatrician that your concerns are specific and thought-through — not just first-time parent anxiety.

What to Say at the Appointment

Lead with your observations clearly and ask directly for next steps. Here's language that works:

Phrases that work

"I've noticed that [child's name] doesn't respond when I call their name, rarely points, and repeats the same phrases over and over. I'd like a developmental screening today and want to understand next steps if it raises concerns."

If they minimize your concerns

"I understand some of this may be in the normal range, but I'd feel better ruling things out. Can we do the M-CHAT screening today and talk about what a full developmental evaluation would look like if needed?"

If they say "let's wait and see"

"I've read that early intervention leads to significantly better outcomes. I'd like to pursue evaluation now rather than waiting — can you give me a referral to a developmental pediatrician or a child psychologist who evaluates for autism?"

What to Ask For

Your specific goal for the appointment is to leave with one or more of the following:

  1. A completed M-CHAT-R/F screening — the standard autism screening tool for children 16–30 months. This is a brief questionnaire and takes only a few minutes. Ask for it by name if the pediatrician doesn't offer it.
  2. A referral to a developmental pediatrician — a specialist who performs comprehensive evaluations and can provide a formal autism diagnosis.
  3. A referral to a child psychologist — another route to a formal diagnosis, often with shorter wait times than developmental pediatricians.
  4. A referral for Early Intervention services — if your child is under 3, they may qualify for free developmental services through your state's Early Intervention program while you wait for a diagnosis.
  5. A speech-language pathology evaluation — regardless of whether autism is suspected, a speech evaluation can identify delays and get services started.

Once your child has a diagnosis, Match Care ABA can help you find an ABA provider in NY, NJ, or NC with current availability — at no cost to families.

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What If Your Pediatrician Dismisses Your Concerns?

Unfortunately, it happens. Some pediatricians tell parents not to worry, suggest the child will "catch up," or discourage early evaluation. Research consistently shows that earlier diagnosis and intervention leads to better outcomes — so if you feel dismissed, you have every right to push back or seek another opinion.

You know your child best. If a pediatrician tells you not to worry and something still feels wrong, trust that instinct. Getting a second opinion from a developmental specialist is always appropriate. You are not overreacting — you are advocating.

If your child is under 3, you can also contact your state's Early Intervention program directly — without a doctor's referral — to request a developmental evaluation. In New York, call 1-800-522-5006. In New Jersey, visit the statewide EI program through the NJ Department of Health. In North Carolina, contact the Children's Developmental Services Agency (CDSA) in your region.

What Comes After the Referral

Once you have a referral, expect the following general sequence:

  1. Contact the referred provider and schedule an appointment. Wait times for developmental pediatricians can be long — 3 to 6 months in many areas — so call as soon as you have the referral.
  2. At the evaluation, a specialist will observe your child, review developmental history, and administer standardized assessments. You'll receive a written report with findings and a diagnosis if criteria are met.
  3. With a diagnosis in hand, contact your insurance to understand your ABA therapy benefits. All major insurers are required by law to cover ABA in NY, NJ, and NC.
  4. Begin searching for an ABA provider. This is often the hardest step — many providers have long waitlists. Match Care ABA helps families skip that step by connecting them with providers who have current openings.

You Don't Have to Navigate This Alone

The path from a parent's concern to a child receiving services can feel like a maze. But each step is manageable when you know what to ask for. Starting with your pediatrician — prepared with your observations and specific requests — is the most important first move.

If your child has received a diagnosis and you're ready to find an ABA provider in New York, New Jersey, or North Carolina, Match Care ABA can help. Our matching service is free for families and typically results in a provider connection within one business day.